Filling the Emotional Cup: Growing Your Own Support Network

2020 has definitely presented numerous challenges, both invisible and visible to others. The list continues to increase with the anguish of COVID-19, racial and civil unrest, increased mental illness, economic and financial distress, grief and loss, onset of extreme weather and natural disasters, increased political turmoil, inequitable educational and medical systems, remote learning, numerous uncertainties and a national debate on the educational workforce. It’s a lot – both for children and adults, and even more so for school counselors whose role, through all of it, is to support social/emotional, academic and career wellness.

Even prior to 2020, compassion fatigue and counselor burnout were growing concerns in our field. School counselors understand that it’s really difficult to “fill other’s cups” if you are running on empty. As a gentle reminder, school counselors are ethically responsible for monitoring their own physical and emotional well-being to prevent harm to others, according to the ASCA ethical standards. We are experiencing and feeling the effects of 2020 alongside our school communities, a parallel process. One way to mediate the effects and be emotionally available to students is to be proactive in growing your own system of supports. But what does that even mean? Here, I suggest ways to build (or extend) support to help you develop, grow and thrive to meet the challenges of the upcoming school year.

Grow your own, according to a Google search, is an educational term that describes a network of programs that are highly collaborative, community rooted and provide intensive supports – they are working toward educational equity to improve educational outcomes for all students (Adapted from Grow Your Own Community, a national group). School counselors, by definition, share the same goal. As we approach an unprecedented school year, it becomes essential for school. counselors’ overall well-being to grow their own network at three levels; personally, locally and professionally. Below are some reflective questions, examples and considerations to help build the potential support you may need for the upcoming year and beyond. (Remember, this may look different for each individual.)

Personally

“School counselor” is one of many identities you hold. You may also be a partner, parent, family caregiver, and hold other positions and responsibilities outside your profession. Each of us has a different personality and coping skills, and ways in which we value, prioritize and allocate time. Any and all of these characteristics have the potential to pull from your emotional cup.

In your personal life at this time,

1. What fills your cup?
2. What drains your cup?
3. How did you know, or what behaviors do you display, that signals your cup is getting low?

After considering your responses, ask yourself,

• Who might I need to focus on to help me refill that cup? And what do I need from them?

Considerations: It could be a partner, family member, or friend who might provide you space (through childcare, cleaning, removing responsibilities, etc.) to create time for yourself and quiet your brain from input. It might even be a group of individuals that you intentionally plan to spend time with or engage in conversation. Whomever they may be, it will be helpful to explicitly state what you need from them as the school years begins.

Locally

In New Jersey, more than 580 school districts operate independently with unique administration. Therefore, no two places operate quite the same or share the same support systems. In the context of your school/district community, ask yourself the same questions as above. 

Considerations: Find your allies – the teachers, administrators and other school personnel (other school counselors, social worker, nurse, school psychologist, custodian, cafeteria worker, secretary, etc.) who share in prioritizing, motivating, and championing social/emotional development and wellness of all students. Grow your own wellness team and focus on the positive as you move forward, not on the potential naysayers. Remember that being negative or oppositional might be others’ reaction to their own depleted cups and might keep them from moving forward.  A central core group of positivity can make all the difference in supporting your emotional cup.

Professionally

The reality is, our role, knowledge and needed skills will continually evolve. Societal shifts, research and policy will constantly inform the school counseling practice. As a result, school counselors will need to continuously learn, practice and consult to deepen our programs. So again, ask yourself the previous questions, and reflect on those answers.

Considerations: You can expand your networks in multiple ways. Some require money and some require reaching out to others. Attending webinars, enrolling in courses or reading books can provide professional development. Other opportunities come from joining your county, state or national professional organizations. Alongside dedicated organizations for school counseling, others specialize in different aspects of the job such as college access, group work, multitiered systems of support, etc.

Another step to expand your support network is through peer consultation. Clinical supervision is what the profession has been demanding for years. In its absence, school counselors have relied on peer consultation individually and within a group setting. Social media has provided the space for these consults locally and nationally through private groups and can serve as a starting point (e.g., Facebook Elementary Exchange and Caught in the Middle; Twitter hashtags #scchat and #antiracistsc; Instagram: Brown Girls Who Counsel, etc.). Others may prefer group peer consultation, similar to group supervision, a dedicated time to receive information and consultation in real time. Check your local areas for opportunities. Although developed in response to COVID-19, the NJ School and SAC Counselor Online Collective will continue to provide live consultation groups in the state to support your development.

Regardless of the modality that works for you:

1. Identify the gap in knowledge and skills and emotional support
2. Discover the people, groups, and or organizations that can provide you the tools and resources personally and professionally
3. Create a plan for intentionally growing your own network, and find your tribe to support and enhance your growth, and more important, thrive!

Remember that you are your best asset and you are more than enough! Building your own network of support is not a weakness, it is what can keep you moving forward.

Kara Ieva, Ph.D. is an associate professor of counseling in educational settings at Rowan University. She is also the facilitator for the New Jersey School and SAC Counselor Online Collective; contact her at ieva@rowan.edu.